# 685…Fight Club Hash…Friday, March 11, 2016

So there we were on 86th and Allisonville…some place behind MCL and in front of the mattress place. The rain had gone away and it was a brisk and cool afternoon…a perfect afternoon for the trail that Cuntput and Desperate Lay had in store for everyone (insert evil laughter here).
Around 15 of us convened at the parking lot behind MCL. Salad Tosser’s yellow truck stood out prominently. His sidekick, There Will be Blood was hanging out as well. Just James, the virgin brought some shots in a small glass bottles. He asked for a bottle opener for another drink he had and it turns out, it was a cork-screw. Among the others who dared show up to this shitty trail were Dumb Cumster, Just Erin, Broke Bitch Mounted, Flaming Manhole, Ladrone, Anxiously Anal, Commie Blowjabi, Snores for Whores and Just Brian.
At around the normal time (15 minutes after the start) the “chug-mobile” (aka the dented Impala) pulled up. Out hops Butt Chug, Twat Floss, and STD dressed in ball-hugging 80’s basketball shorts.
I almost forgot, Cunptletely Forgettable was on trail as well.
The hares gathered in the center and Salad drenched them with beer and sent them on out. After the intros, we set off into the MCL parking lot. There was an easily solved check going across 86th St. and over to Hardee’s. We went through the drive-thru and then saw that true trai went down into a drainage ditch. Allisonville was really, busy, but fortunately the hares had everyone’s safety in mind. Instead of leading trail across Allisonville, we led trail under Allisonville, into waist-deep sewage water. Several hashes avoided the tunnel completely and went across Allisonville. A few hashers took the tunnel and then went back when they saw the deep water. Beaver was one of the only hashers to take true trail.
Trail went up to to the Courtyard Indianapolis Castleton. There was check in the parking lot and true trail went toward the back of the property. There was a boob check leading trail into woods. We had to climb our way over and under some thorny invasive shrubs and then we went down to a creek. We came out of the woods and onto River Bend Pkwy. There was a sperm-shooting cock check on the pavement.
Trail led to the left and into the woods, where there was some champagne.
From the woods we went through the complex and into the woods again. We crossed the creek and slid through the mud and went along the river until we made it to the first beer check.
Beaver and STD were the FRB’s followed closely by Nautical Pussy and FlabongMe. There was a lot of distance between the FRB’s and the DFL’s. The hares drank a few beers and the headed out. They frantically splashed flour and laid TP through the woods. They saw a pair of headlamps following them and getting closer.
The hares were caught. Luckily Beaver and STD were gentlemen and paused for 10 minutes allowing the hares to regroup and finishing laying the shitty trail. Desperate Lay brought a bottle of wine and laid it at a check.
We could see I-465 and the White River. The TP marks led trail away from the river through the dense shiggy between a pond and the highway. We foraged through the dense almost endless shiggy. There was a check where the lake stopped and the apartment complex began. This easily solved check led us down by the highway where there was a lot of trash and TP marks.
There she was, wide open and ready for penetration: a tunnel going under I-465. We had to crouch down a little bit to get in. The water was shin deep and the tunnel was about 200 feet long. Towards the end it went from being a concrete to metal and we had to crouch down just a little bit more. (You’re welcome, Flabong Me!).
The tunnel survivors had some Fireball awaiting them at the Allison Pointe sign (also the site of the first beer check at the 3rd Anal Vikings hash on January 24, 2015). Among those who made it through the tunnels were Salad Tosser, Flabong Me, Not a Claustrophobic Pussy, Anxiously Anal, Commie Blowjabi, Butt Chugg, Sucks the Dick, Beaver, Dumb Cumster and Twat Floss.
After a splash of fireball, it was time for the on-in.
Trail went on Allisonville, over the I-465 bridge and under Allisonville through another tunnel. Almost everyone avoided the last tunnel.
Broke Bitch Mounted and Cunpletely Forgettable were the FRB’s and the FBI’s. They did not take the tunnel, nor did Ladrone and company. The FRB among those who took the tunnel was Beaver.
The soaked, muddy, scratched up hashers gathered in the circle. The hares were called in the circle and unjustifiably forced to drink. There were some hash crimes including virgin names, chivalry and short cutting. A tearful Twat Floss came into the circle letting us know that her beloved Pinky had passed away. Pinky was always hard and down to go and even after a long day of work and travel Pinky never complained about the smell. Pinky was Twat’s vibreaker and after years of vigorous overuse, Pinky’s circuits were fried. There was a ceremony in circle in commemoration of the abused sex toy it was solemnly pinned upon the hashhit. The nominations for the hashhit were then opened and then closed after Cuntpletely Forgettable quickly secured the nomination.
We swung low and it started to get a little cold so we called it a night. Don’t forget about the Jesus Can’t Hashing Trail on Saturday, March 26.


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