#688…Tax Day Hash Trash…Friday, April 15, 2016
#688…Tax Day Hash Trash…Friday, April 15, 2016
So there we were at the Skiles Test Parking lot. We were sipping some PBR’s and wondering why the small crowd. Probably because we were at the wrong place. The start for this shitty trail was actually at 6301 E. Fall Creek. The wrong website was posted on the website (Thanks a lot, Cuntput!). Parking was crowded and a few of us even parked in the handicapped spot. Luckily a few of the muggles took off before trail started so we could move our cars. There were nearly 20 of us including Butt Chug, NEEEERRRRD!, Gayfully Employed, LaDrone, 13”, Snores for Whores, Cum Ride This Train, Cuntpletely Forgettable, Just Angela, Just Sam, Poly Glamorous and Twat Floss. The hares were STD and Desperate Lay.
Chalk talk was laid out in flour, covering at least half of the parking lot. Salad Tosser drizzled the hares with some beers and whisked them away. Salad explained all of the marks and at one points told a few talking hashers to kindly shut the fuck up. Mission Assquire from Louisville (pronounced Lew -we -vil) demonstrated what to do at the tit check.
We set off. Trail went straight. There was a really fucked up looking check. Trail turned into the woods and straight toward I-465 and a tunnel. We went through the tunnel and saw a hares arrow pointing east. We could see some pink markers across Fall Creek. We crossed onto the island and then saw some more marks. We had to cross yet again and head into the deep shiggy. Up ahead we could hear the voice of Cuntput.
“Back Check 26”. No joke.
So we went back across the water. Getting our balls wet again. Some crossed in less deep parts. Others said ‘fuck it’ and plowed through the water. The back of the pack hadn’t made it to the water yet, so the DFL’s didn’t get wet.
We honestly tried to count the 26 marks back, but can you honestly expect hashers to be able to count all the way up to 26? Some lost count. Others counted 24 at the hares arrow. How could trail go back further than the hares arrow?, we asked.
We combed the area, searching low and high for some remnant of trail. It finally dawned on us to keep on going on Fall Creek Parkway Trail. True trail took us over to Shadeland. There was a busted phone from 2010 and an EC (electronic check). We wandered to the other side of Fall Creek, hopped over the guardrail and proceeded down into the littered woods.
There was a bottle of mixed liquor waiting for us to drink. Some of us took a few gulps. Others had a sip and said ‘fuck that shit’.
The next step was going over the fence. We hopped on over helping each other along the way. We crossed a creek and then went up and down some hills. It’s almost as if the hares did this on purpose. We ventured into Camp Belzer, the Boys Scout Camp.
This is the first time we’ve ever trespassed…except for the Where the Fuck is Bloomingfools hash when we went on the property of that nursery, the Lot Lizards Hash in January when we went into a quarry, the Holiday Hash in December when we went into a Girls Scout Camp and the Saxy Cock Hash in November when we got kicked off of hospital property. Other than these rare exceptions, we don’t do much trespassing.
We kept on going up some steep hills and then back down to the creek. There was an FC (Fun check). Around us there were some obstacles we were supposed to have fun on. Given the good workout we had just had, we declined.
We kept following marks until we were out of the woods. We crossed Boyscout Road where there was a beer near in the woods on the other side.
There was some Big Red Liquor brand beer waiting for us along with some off brand cookies and cheezy poofs. The sun was going down and we could see some cranium torches off in the distance. It wasn’t disoriented hashers, though, it was boy scouts. There were tents set up and boys scouts roaming the woods.
We sipped on the cheap beer and had our normal conversations about what would happen if we crossed the street with the cooler and served the preteens some of our beer.
We stepped away from the coolers and followed Boys Scout Road over to Fall Creek Road N. There was a building ahead of us. It was the Crossroads of America Boyscouts building. We ran behind the building and then over to Skiles Test Park. The beer, the hares and Just Brian awaited us there.
There was Coors Light, Bud Light, PBR and Hamm’s a few steps into the woods from the parking lot.
We went on back to the start and had circle. There were some hare crimes and imaginary hash crimes. Just Sam and Just Angela were our virgins. Just Angela, the Virginia virgin announced that her dad, a hasher, told her about the hash and therefore made her cum. Salad Tosser brought Cuntpletely Forgettable into the circle to give up the hashhit. As much as we would have liked to give this entirely unrememberable hariet the hashit for a sixth time, we had the opportunity to open up the nominations to other candidates. Poly Glamorous was nominated. Some of us thought that he would be haring this shitty trail. There was some confusion on both ends, so we decided to give him the hashhit.
We swung low and then some of us headed onto the on-after.
This night had a shitty end to it. It was discovered that Snores for Whore’s car was broken into. Seriously. The window was broken and there was some stuff stolen. If I could find the piece of shit that did that, I would personally deliver my wishes for them to have a lifetime of losing lottery tickets.
So prom is cumming up. It is going to be a hell of a time, so see you there! April 29 to May 1st…rego on indyhhh.com..on-on!