These poor saps are the ones who were elected to mismanage the activites of the IndyScent Hash. However, since IndyScentHHH is just an informal group of people who get together for fun, it is generally understood that Mismanagement members and/or Hares for a particular trail may need volunteers (that means YOU) to help out at any given time. In other words, every hasher needs to pitch in to ensure that a good time is had at all IndyScent events!
Grand Master: Big Ol’ Box of Cocks & Monogamistake
The head hasher. The chairman of the board. The big cheese. The HMFIC. The guiding light. Gispert’s legacy. The GM is not simply a figure head for the hash, rather (s)he personifies the hash’s character (or lack thereof.) (S)he leads with a dynamic strength that permeates the fabric of the organization. Both directly, and through the hash officers, (s)he gives inspiration, direction, and vision to all.
Religious Advisor: Desperate Lay & Salad Tosser
Keeper of the faith. Enforcer of the scriptures. The person who “punishes” members of the pack for trail crimes in the circle after each trail. Pretends to know several hashing songs and up to ten words in English. Must be able to yell and be yelled at and must also be fluent in jibberish.
Trail Master: Cuntput
The Trail Master makes sure that there’s a hare (or hares) for each hash, and is responsible for collecting start locations from the hares and updating the IndyScent HHH website with said start locations at least a week in advance of each hash. The Trail Master IS the hare if (s)he can’t find anyone else to do it.
Beer Meisters: Hump and Pump & Neeeeerrrrrd!
This is unquestionably the most important position in the hash. The Beermeister has the weighty responsibility of making sure that the lifeblood of hashing is available at each and every hash event. He keeps constant vigilance to find the cheapest spirituous fermenti available, always has coolers in the trunk of his car, cases of beer in his garage, and reliably returns the empty keg to get another full one for the next hash. While this might be a “pain in the ass” job, it’s undoubtedly the most important one to the hash.
On-Sec: Cuntpletely Forgettable (Who???)
This position is the masochist’s dream. (S)he struggles with piles of paper and miles of computer wire in order to keep track of which hashers attended which hash. (S)he is also responsible for administering down-downs in circle to those hashers who have attended a noteworthy number of hashes. Can often be caught in the backseat/cargo area of someone’s car prior to trail.
Cash Hag: Cuntpletely Forgettable
The holder of the purse-strings. Someone needs to dash about the start of each hash begging for money. Someone has to keep track of what comes in and what goes out (commonly referred to as “the old in and out.”) These generally unappreciated duties fall on the shoulders of the Hash Cash. This trustworthy soul must withstand the whining of the Hares who have overspent, the whimpering of those who forgot their fees, and the interrogations of those who mistakenly think there should be some sort of accounting for hash funds.
This is a person who has a flair for fashion, a head for business (who said head?), and the showmanship of P.T. Barnum. They are responsible for the design, procurement, warehousing, merchandising, and vending of items of apparel and various trinkets to the hash. Prior flea market or circus midway experience preferred.
Minister of Misinformation: Pedaltration
The owner of everything technology. (S)he is responsible for administration of the IndyScent website and all the other geeky things that happen behind the scenes. Shivers at the mere thought of human interaction. Gets sunburn from anything brighter than a 60 watt bulb.
Cuntsultants: Camo Tow, Jacoochie, Money $hot, Hit Me With Your Cum Shot, Dumb Cumster, & 13″ Cock Tower
These wanks are impossible to keep in one place. They travel hash. They chat with everyone. They may have the attention span of a gnat, but they also have the heart of your grandmother and the resourcefulness of MacGyver. Also known as “Mismanagement’s bitches”, they get things done when things need to get done and make sure a good time is had by all while doing it.
Grand Master Emeriti: Blown Ranger, Bush Driver, Double Fister, Money $hot, Camo Tow, Jewbacca, 13″ Cock Tower
First IndyScent Grand Master: Trojan Whore