#857…Viking Hash…Saturday January 19, 2020
It was a perfect day for hashing out at Eagle Creek Park. The sun was shining somewhere behind the clouds, the birds were hiding, and the temperature was so warm that the water flowed through the woods instead of giving us that pesky solid ground to walk on. Almost 20 hashers came out to play (some of which in very dedicated to theme Viking apparel) and see how many times we could say “Fucking Cuntput.” He was nice enough to warn us ahead of time to wear waterproof shoes. A few above average half-minds listened, but as we found out 2 minutes into trail as we stepped off a perfectly nice wooden raised path at a check: any sort of shoe was not going to be enough. As Inside Her Trading found out, even her waterproof boots should have gone to her knees as she was soon Inside Her Wading through what we can definitely not even call paths through the trees.
Eventually trail found it’s way to a path and did some mild straight shots until there was the first tit check. Now, this was a particularly fucked up trail, as the first person to come upon this mark was the only person putting any effort into r*nning this trail: Monogamistake (yeah I know, wtf.). He waited diligently for some mammaries for over 5 minutes before he saw the first sign of life: Cock Tower and Dr. Taco. As the trio waited another 5 minutes, Cock Tower did one of the most heinous acts this wanker has ever seen on trail. I’m not going to tell you what it was, not because I’m worried about embarrassing one who simply cannot be embarrassed, but because I really don’t want to relive it. Finally, a couple harriettes walked up and my eyes were able to be cleansed by Inside Her Trading before bounding off ahead of the pack again.
Eventually, this super athletic and in shape FRB found the first beer near to the shock and awe of the hares who were both caught off-guard by not only who the FRB was, but because I almost scared them as they couldn’t hear anything due to the proximity of the beer to the highway. We downed the sacred fluid and questionable single bag of fancy popcorn snacks and debated trying to do a water-slide down the concrete run-off drain into the creek.
The next leg of trail had a couple small tricks, one false down a hill into the woods, followed by a Back Check 10 at the top of a hill in what should have been an obvious false as it was a nice quiet neighborhood on concrete. After mass confusion, trail was found across the street of course back into some thorns and slimy ground. Then completely unexpectedly: an early 2nd beer near. There were no “fuckin Cuntputs” about that lovely surprise.
We imbibed more until it started to rain not-so-sacred fluid on us and the pack decided to cranium off up the hill to follow the hares whether they were ready for us or not. Dr. Taco was such an overachiever that he followed the marks right where the hares went and got the pleasure of a slip’n’mudslide and doing the hill more than once. Others spread out in hopes to find better, less traveled paths up the nasty hill. The remainder of trail seemed super familiar to the first leg of trail with copious amounts of hares arrows on top of old marks.
At circle we defloured a new virgin, Just Sam. Believe it or not, Desperate Lay was desperate enough to make his sister cum. She was a good sport, but for some reason drank not-so-sacred fluid like the horrible shit that was increasingly falling from the sky. By the end of circle, the sky piss from the Norse god Freyr became solid and we did the women’s Swing Low and GTFO.
On After was at Gatsby’s Pub where we ordered about every pitcher they owned and blessed a surprise muggle birthday party with our presence, dance moves, and talented karaoke.
On After After was a shit-show at Big Ol’ Mistakes’ house that included professional Japanese wrestling (courtesy of Just Matt), professional drinking and loud noises, and 2 not-so professional namings.
Say goodbye to the once terribly named Tahoe4Sho, and hello to the maybe less terribly named Clam Bake! Also say goodbye to Just Jeanie and hello to Nana Doesn’t Know!
The night ended with a certain visitor’s emergency panties being removed outside the front door of the house. No one knows why, but Monoga now has a new pair!
Don’t forget to order a happi coat if you need one! We won’t be taking orders much longer and then it could be a couple years before we do it again!
Also you should rego for the Cupid’s Undie Run charity event or donate money to our team site before the Dr. Huxstable Sweater hash February 29th!
On-HornsOnOurHead-On!
Monogamistake
Hares: Shucks a Mean Dick & Cuntput
Hounds: I’ll Fucking Kill You, Inside Her Trading, PB&J, Six Stitch Bitch, Secret Diddler Man, Just Matt, LaDrone, 13″ Cock Tower, 6 Year Itch, Desperate Lay, Just Sam, THFKA Dr. Taco, Cacklez, Just Jeff, Monogamistake
Visitors: Cuntlery & Twilight Sprinkle – FUCH3
FRB: Monogamistake
FBI: I’ll Fucking Kill You