#695…Naughty School Girl Hash (Part 2) Hash Trash…Wednesday, June 1, 2016

#695…Naughty School Girl Hash (Part 2) Hash Trash…Wednesday, June 1, 2016


So there we were…on the south side of town.  We had some thunderstorms earlier in the afternoon, but hash gods be praised, the sun came out, along with some cooler, hasher friendly weather.  We convened in front of Bert and Den’s Grille near the IMAX on East Street, just north of I-465.  


Just John, A Ray of FUCKING Sunshine, Did We Fuck?, Money$hot, 13”, Fish Lips, Psycho, Weird Al, Lawrence of the Labia, Gayfully Employed, NEEEERRRRD!, Lick Her Package, Yeast Infection and….were on this trail.  Cuntpletely Forgettable donned a schoolgirl outfit as did Monogamistake.  


STD ushered the hares into the circle and sent them on their merry way.  Trail went straight toward the Pizza Hut and then crossed East Street at the intersection.  We went east on E. Mills St.  There were a few easily solved checks going through the neighborhood.  True trail led us south on Stanley St. toward Extra Space Storage.  Next to the gated entrance of the storage facility, we took a left going into some woods.  At the entrance of the woods (which is technically private property…oops!), there was a car seat and some birthday scotch, coke, a few beers and some snacks courtesy of Six Year.  We had our fill of scotch and then proceeded into the woods on the path.


A few hundred yards away there was a boob check.  False trail continued on the path.  True trail went into the dense shiggy.  TP marked the way.  We could really use some machettis at this point.  We kept foraging deeper into the shiggy until we saw a hares arrow pointing up a small incline.  We went a short way along the fence of the storage facility until we saw a concrete slope with a hares arrow pointing down.  


More thorns and deep shiggy to go through.  The toilet paper led to the mouth of a drainage pipe under I-465.  This tunnel was medium in height and length.  The tall people had to duck down just a little; it was maybe a hundred meters long, but you could see the light at the end of the tunnel.  We trudged through the murky water.  Inside the pipe it smelled of corrosion and car exhaust.  We popped out and saw that we were in between lanes on I-465.  


To the right was a maze of exit lanes and a boob check.  To the left was true trail.  We were in Lick Creek which was bounded by concrete.  Cuntpletely Forgettable allegedly showed at a boob stop.  It was very brief and at a great distance from any wanker, but it still counts.  


We went straight east along the creek in between lanes of traffic for about 400 feet until we saw a hares arrow.  This arrow was pointing directly at another drainage pipe on the other side of the creek.  There was a crossing spot with some rocks, where if you crossed there, you would get shin deep.  There was also a closer spot where if you crossed there, you got chest deep.  Money$hot chose to get chest deep.


This drainage pipe went under the westbound lanes of I-465.  On the other side there were Yorktown Homes and some woods to the east.   The TP led us toward the woods.  There was a dip in the fence entering into the woods that we had to go over.  Trail through the woods was a straight shot down some curvy paths.  There were a few paths, but they led the same direction.  We took the winding, muddy trail until there was a hares arrow pointing into the dense shiggy.  The TP led us through some thorns and bushes back down to Lick Creek.  


Across the creek, there was a hares arrow pointing eastward.  We crossed the creek and went into some more thick shiggy.  A boob check stalled the FRB’s, forcing them to wait once again.  

We made our way through the woods once again and found the beer near.  The beer near was located inside the woods in a small clearing.  You could tell we were sweating because steam was coming off everyone, making the air misty.  We compared battle scars as we sipped on some cold ones.

Six Year and Cuntput stepped off.  Trail led out of the woods and up a steep incline onto the railroad tracks.   There was a check.  True trail led north on the tracks.  We crossed a bridge going over I-465 and then there was a hares arrow taking an abrupt turn down the steep hill into the thicket.  We came out right next to an aging mobile home.  The owners were outside wondering what the hell was going on.  


We marched quickly on through the mobile home park, dodging looks from the residents.  We crossed Madison Ave. where there was an abandoned electric shop and a few small apartments.  One of the abandoned apartments had the door wide open, inviting everyone to cum inside.  There was a cock check right there.  I should have probably put a tit check to keep the racist wanks at bay.  


True trail went straight through the easement by some power lines.  On Google maps, it appears that this location has a nice truck path going through it.  In actuality, it is overgrown with shiggy including thorns and stinging nettles.  Trail could have easily avoided this shiggy, however.  We the hares thought it necessary to give one more opportunity for blood on trail.  


STD, Weird Al and Lick Herp Package came barreling in behind the hares, forcing them to write a pre-mature on-in.  


We crossed East St. again and we were back at the start.  Weird Al and Lawrence were bleeding a bit and Lick Herp Package had some kind of skin reaction on his legs.  Seeing blood after a Cuntput trail is totally expected, but there was one thing that we saw at the end that we didn’t expect: daylight.  This trail was about 2 miles and was finished in under 2 hours.  


We circled up and the hares were ushered into the circle.  There were some hash crimes including stunts on trail, virgin names and blood on trail.  The hares were once again called in for birthdays.  Today was Six Year’s birthday and Cuntput celebrated his birthday two days before.  STD decided to make them a birthday cake by dumping flour and beer all over the hares.  Fuck you, STD!


Cuntpletely Forgettable revealed that she retrieved a child’s cast from the abandoned apartment.  It was signed “love mommy”.  She also informed us that she had eaten the child.  Too bad we didn’t have the hashhit with us.  Actually, fuck that, there’s no way I would carry around the hashhit with a kid’s cast on it.  That’s creepy as hell.


We also called visitors into the circle.  We had Weird Al and Psycho, our dual-citizen visitors as well as Lick Herp Package from Bloomingfools.  Yeast Infection was visiting from Fort Collins, Colorado (she literally came right from the airport to the hash) and Spare My Finger came from Ben Franklin Mob (Philadelphia).  


Jewbacca, our hash historian, revealed that there was a trail that went through the same canal several years back.   It was called Max Your Tampax at the Imax and it took place on January 31, 2009.  The trail was laid with tampons and there was some tamp-on themed drinks.  The canal was cold and frozen over and Flabjack the Milfman fell in.   There were a few hashers that were on this frozen shitshow 7.5 years ago and on tonight’s trail: Money$hot, Fishlips and Lawrence of the Labia.


We swung low and then headed (wsh?) on out to the on-after.  The on-after was at Bert and Den’s Grille.  
Thank you to 6” for going over budget and providing the scotch and quality beer.  God knows Cuntput would have been perfectly content having everyone drink Hamm’s.  



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