#694…2016 HAH Hash Trash…Saturday, May 28, 2016

#694…2016 HAH Hash Trash…Saturday, May 28, 2016


So there we were…at the park on Moller Road in Speedway.  It was hot and muggy and everyone had a beer in their hand dressed with some great ‘Merica attire (fuck yeah!) as well as some harriets in skimpy, revealing outfits (fuck yeah!).  We had veteran and rookie hashers alike assembled for one purpose and it definitely wasn’t r*nning.  Included in this pack of lunatics was Just James, Big Ol’ Box of Cocks, ATM, Just Maria, Just Jestina, Chap Dick Charlie, Pole Driver, Cum Ride on This Train, Dis-Whoriented, Dumb Cumster, Futile Fertile FuckerJust Anne, Just Jeannie, Just Pierce, Just Naomi, Lawrence of the Labia, Secret Diddler Man, Poopsie Daisy, Mission Asquire, Just John, Monogamistake, Nautical Pussy, Flabong Me, Snowball, Cuntput, Twat Floss, Snatch Cracker, Worker Bee, Wendy Flufferporn, Anxiously Anal and  Commie Blowjabi.


So there we were, intermingling with each other and fortinicating each other, minding our own business, drinking in a public park where small children were practicing pee-wee football when up comes a concerned coach.  He spoke with our brave, semi-intoxicated GM, 13”.  The concerned coach stated that they had a permit to park there.  (He even pulled up an email to prove his credentials).  13” offered the man $100 and a blow job from his pick of the harriets, but the man did not cave.  (At least he wasn’t a Hawkeyes fan).  


There was some significant doubt as to whether or not that gentleman really had the authority to ask us to leave, but we decided to avoid confrontation and move to another park literally a quarter of a mile away.  Fortunately we didn’t have to fight anyone before this hash.  We did before the last one and we probably will have to before the next one, but not at this one so that’s a good thing.


We quickly moved to the park in front of the water tower and sent the hares, STD, Butt Chug and Salad Tosser away.  They carried coolers of cheap beer on a ghetto wheeled contraption.  13” was the RA and did chalk talk and introductions.  Who in the hell knows (or cares) how long we actually gave the hares, but someone shouted “on-out” so we blindly started looking for marks.  


We waltzed our way through the neighborhood and over the Coke lot.  We meandered our way through the sea of RV’s, drunken rednecks and frat boys, beer pong, country music, drinking games, barbecue and golf carts.  Our first stop landed near an RV with an extra large corn hole game with sofa pillow sized bean sacks.  Off to the side there was a tricycle race and behind us the speakers were blaring rock music.  


We continued through the human shiggy.  There were a few checks.  We got stalled at some spinny wheel games where you could spin for a shot.  


There were three beer stops inside the Coke lot.  We played beer pong with dodge balls and large garbage cans.


We headed back to the park and started up circle.  Before circle, Salad Tosser brought out the “drinking sleeve”.  

We sang a few songs, had a few hash crimes, real and imaginary.  There were a few virgins.  One of them was named.  This is the first time we’ve named a virgin since Twat Floss at the Running of the Bullshitters Hash on July 13, 2012.  Salad insisted that since his mom told him about the hash we name him “Mommy Made Me Cum”.  I wish I could say this was among one of our most vulgar hash names.


We did the virgin ceremony, swung low and then we were on-out.
The on-after was at Salad Tosser’s.  He cooked up some brauts and some other amazing food.  Thank you, Salad for opening up your house and cooking for us!

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