#698…Freedom Hash…Sunday, July 3, 2016
#698…Freedom Hash…Sunday, July 3, 2016
So there we were at Fort Ben. We traded the summer sunshine for wind rain and tempatures in the 60’s. Despite the shitty weather, late notice on the trail’s starting location and the fact that Cuntput was haring, some hashers did actually show up. Included in this group of gluttons for punishment were: Commie Blowjabie (IOU), Anxiously Anal, 13” Cock Shower, Lawrence of the Labia, Gayfully Employed, Ladrone, Vibreaker, Just Mac, Just Julie, Just Haley, Pink Wel, Poly Glamarous and Hump & Pump. Ho Chi Minh Clitty was a visiting hasher from D.C. He had to leave to meet family at 4 pm…which means we appreciate the $6 donation to the hash…If you’re able to stick around a little longer next time, you may actually get some beer.
There were a few old school hashers. You may recognize the name Beefy Tits 911. This guy was an active hasher with Indyscent back in the day when we used to use Yahoo Groups and listserv. Double Fister was also in attendance. In case you didn’t know he was a long time dictator, I mean, GM of the hash and has hared more than anyone except Money$hot. Thanks for cumming. We always welcome the return of our forefathers.
When 3:20 rolled around, the hares, Money$hot and Cuntput, were ready to roll. It was raining, so we said fuck the chalk talk. The hares begged for a 15-minute head (wsh?) start, but they knew they would only get 9:30 if they were lucky. We did intros and then wondered why were standing in the parking lot getting wet, when there was a shelter less than 200 meters away.
We set off and exited Lee Road Park. There was a check and true trail led us across the street to the grassy area before the entrance to Fort Benjamin Harrison State Park. We went north on Lee Road until there was toilet paper visible on the other side of the fence. We crouched down, got low and crossed the fence and followed the TP to through the shiggy.
It wasn’t long before we came across a dirt road with a barely visible flour drawing of a pair of boobs. Luckily for the hares, there were no willing boob flashers in site. No worries, the trail took us to the right. We were in the Fort Ben Golf Course maintenance area. We followed TP marks through some tall grass and up a little hill. We came down the hill and passed by the golf course, where we saw a few dedicated Tiger Woods wannabes golfing in the rain.
There was another path and a boob check. We made our way into the park, following the paved path along the golf course. A muddy trail into the woods offered us a brief detour. We went by a duck pond and train veered off by a playground and into the woods. There was a picnic shelter up ahead, where the hares were waiting at the beer near.
Budweiser and Yuengling awaited us, along with shelter from the rain. FRB’s Beefy Tits and Lawrence waited a long time for the DFL’s which must have driven them insane. There was a great divide between the racists and the slow folks, so much so that the hares passed by a few of the delayed pack and offered them a short cut to the beer near.
Trail went along Fall Creek. There were a few falses, but pretty easy to solve. At one point we went on a paved trail that overlooked the creek. We meandered on that trail until we saw a hares arrow pointing downward. The got muddied up and went below to the creekside. We continued trail along the wooden staircase. At the first beer stop Poly Glamorous stated that he wanted to get wet and see a little more shiggy. Per this request, the hares graciously laid trail through Fall Creek.
Flour marked the banks of the Creek. We kept going through the waters until we came across a BN pointing up. Luckily no one decided to keep on going straight because if they did, they would have come across…oh wait…nevermind.
So we trugged up the muddy, slippery hill with the promise of beer. The pack was very merry. Everyone eventually made it to the beer stop except for one hasher. Double Fister was seen on another slope with his dog, Trail Trail. He did not return to the beer near, nor did we see him at the start.
There were various theories regarding his disappearance. Some thought that he took his dog, his Playstation and his TV and went home and was like “fuck you you fucking fucks”. Others thought that he could not hear or see the pack waving and calling for him to come to the beer stop. What really happened was, the aging dog could not make it down the hill, so Double Fister returned to the first beer stop.
The hares were lazy and decided to dead hare it back. We carried the cooler and trash and the hares led the way to the start. (of course Cuntput still marked trail).
We gathered once again (this time under the shelter). 13” Inch drunkenly led the circle. The hares downed their beer and then the hash crimes sprang forth. There were some mother given names on trail as well as some hare crimes. We did have a virgin at the hash. We yelled at her about getting head and sincerely hoped we didn’t scare her away.
So back in January of 2008, we had another hash run through this area. We went up by the VFW and rearranged the letters. CamoTow hared the hash in a sling because of a recent rotator cuff surgery. This was back in the day when Michael Jackson, Modana, Gary Coleman, Lance Armstrong, Phyllis Diller, Princess Diana, Abraham Lincoln and Jesus Christ were still alive. Despite the decades that have since passed us by, the following hashers were on both that trail and today’s trail: Money$hot, Lawrence of the Labia, Beefy Tits 911 and Double Fister.
The on after was at Taylor’s Pub 3 aka Fort Ben Pub.
Don’t forget to join us at the next trail on July 15. The hares will be celebrating their 10th hashing analversary. How could you miss that one?